Video Analysis: Backstreet Boys

Song: Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)

Artist: Backstreet Boys

Year Released: 1997

Level of Awesome: 6/10

Fromage Factor: 9.5/10

Reminds Me Of: Before-school daycare in grade 3

General Comments: How did my least-favourite member of BSB get the best costume?

Analysis: Well it starts off that the BSB’s bus broke down again. Rats! How is that the Backstreet Boys can’t afford a proper bus? Well judging by Howie’s overalls things aren’t going so well for our beloved boy band. Nick can’t even find a football jersey that fits him. Oh well, they should probably seek shelter from the thunderstorm at the creepy abandoned(?) mansion. That always turns out well.

While making themselves at home we can see that the BSB lads have decided to throw themselves a party and invite all their female friends to come dance stiffly with them. The fact that they all pulled this choreography out of nowhere should have given the boys enough of a heads up that creepy things would happen but apparently this wasn’t a big enough sign. Woops, now Brian is a werewolf.

Now instead of dancing women we have a house full of creepy old people, girls who lick coffins, and a chick who seems to control the wind but not do much else. Oh well, might as well take this time to enjoy the rat-infested feast with AJ, the Phantom of the house. Oh dear! After a series of “yee-aaah”s we find out Nick, our little cutie Nick, is actually a mummy! And Kevin – poor Kevin, is half man, half… Aquaman? Half lizard? What the hell is he? Oh well, turns out Howie has become a top-hat loving vampire. At least he showed up looking dapper. Perhaps he’s compensating for the overalls he wore earlier.

Now they’re just going to sing and dance along as their monster-selves for a little bit. But can we just take a moment to appreciate how sincere Nick tries to look when he caresses himself, asking if he’s sexual? And also, why is Brian wearing a fur coat? He’s a f***ing werewolf! Why does he need another coat of fur?! I’m amazed he didn’t overheat after doing all those back-flips around the mansion. Maybe I’ll ease up, it was the 90s after all. We cannot explain what happened in that decade, it just did.

Well that’s a relief, they turn back into their human selves just before the final big dance number. Oh it was a dream!! Thank God. But wait – why did they all have the same dream? Cue the creepy bus driver and the realization that it wasn’t a dream after all! This was definitely the Halloween episode of BSB’s music videos. Terrifying.

Final words: Its good to know the lads could all still get girls, even in their monster forms. Except Kevin. He remained forever alone.

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